In which I am ruining my kids...

O y'all.... Yesterday. I am still recovering. The day started with an innocent phone call from Nani and Papa. Really and truly? They were luring me too the mall with promises of lunch and family time. Even then I felt a little twist in my stomach. As a general rule I avoid the mall like the plague if  the hubbinator isn't there for back up. I knew it was going to happen... My niece was so excited about going to the mall playground. O playground. How I hate you let me count the ways...

Our mall playground is small, enclosed, and populated by helicopters and clueless parents who don't give a flip if their kid is mean. I fall firmly into the helicopter camp. Ethan once punched a girl in the face at this very playground. Not kidding. Now come on he was two and she was 5 and she did hit him first. Anyway we lasted all of ten minutes before this meanie started picking picking on my kids. Now I know that you think Nani is a sweet little grandma who wouldn't hurt a fly. Well you would be very mistaken. 

I never once imagined that I would have to hold my own mother back, but y'all  I DID. The meanie starting pushing my kid and I saw Nani's whole body fly forward in his direction. My arm flew across her chest at record speed and  fiercely whispered "MOM WE WILL JUST LEAVE!!!!!!"  And we did y'all. I packed up all three wailing kids and headed out of that circle of hell playground with a quickness. My reasoning for heading for the hills: 1) I know my kids and they will only be pushed so far before someone gets decked in the face. 2) There are two of my kids and one of the bully. He was fixing to be set down a peg or two. 3) y'all his mama was giving me some dirrrrty looks and she was about 3 of me.  What if BullyMom wanted a piece of me? I am just not going to take that fight. What if she sat on me?  What if she got in my face Jerry Springer style? I am admitting here and now that y'all she scared the heck out of me.  O yeah and just in case you were giving BullyMom the benefit of the doubt she saw her kid was being mean and just didn't care. I have a problem with that.  So I think the solution to this problem is just to have lots more kids. Next time a bully happens maybe he will think twice before he messes with all 6 of the Hatcher boys. That is the solution to the worlds problems right there. Parents who make their kids behave? Go ahead have lots of kids and eventually  WE WILL OUTNUMBER THEM. Sigh.... too much playground drama for this tired mama. 

"  you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?" -Dirty Harry or what Nani wanted to say to the bully

See the thing is.....

I have nothing interesting to write. Like at all. Anybody want to hear how my house is a mess and I am still exhausted even though the baby is sleeping like a champ? How about my very interesting laundry situation I like to call "throw it all in a pile on the treadmill and pretend it doesn't exist".   Very well I shall continue with more boring updates of mediocre mothering! We adopted a very sweet dog. His name is "Jack" or "dack" if you ask Ethan. I grew up with mutt dogs,and never really understood people who were loyal to one specific breed. Now? I am a border collie fan FOR LIFE! Good grief y'all this is one AWESOME dog. I am not even playing. He is so cool you just won't believe it. Its like he knows what your talking about. It is like finally having another adult in the house! I can tell him which toy to go get and he will get the exact toy  every time. Now, I realize that may not sound like much to you, but you have to understand that I grew up with one of the dumbest dogs in the universe. And I really do mean that in the meanest way possible. DUMB. Brandy for no particular reason at all decided that all hats were evil and anybody who wore hats,was equally suspicious. Brandy was the dog who decided that my very sweet grandmother was a terrorist in disguise, and anybody who looked like my grandma must also receive the treatment reserved only for the worst of criminals. I miss that dumb dog...sometimes. Don't tell anybody. The cat was  slightly less enthused about Jack than we were. However she  is coming along nicely and hasn't thrown any tantrums in a while. Did I mention that we also have a cat? I am almost the only one in my family to have a cat. My family are dog people (If you are going to have a dog they think schnauzers are best). Also I think my father may have questioned my moral fiber when I told him we were adopting a cat. Then again I try not to listen to him much ( he was brandy's favorite human you know, and  I think that's a little suspicious.) SO anyway Jack is awesome and we are so grateful that we have him (we re homed from my lovely cousin's family).

Aint they sweet?

So things continue at a breakneck pace here in the Savage household. The Hubbinator is still in school and working very hard for stuff like food,electricity and pleasing his Marie Antoinette of a wife.He enjoys terrorizing me on weekends with home improvement projects. Hubbinator also got promoted a while back and we are so stinking proud of him. Whenever he has a bad day I say really encouraging things like " Well that stinks but at least nobody pooped on you today" "O whats that you say? Had a bad day? Well did you get chocolate milk vomit down your shirt?  " At least nobody stole your bracelet, ripped it apart, and shot the beads out of their nose rocket- style." Because I am a good encouraging wife like that.  Well this post is going to have to be a quick on account of all three kids are sleeping AT THE SAME TIME and I have knitting very important housework to attend to. Ahem. Take care y'all and just so you know comments are my love language.

Just a Few Things That Ruin My Life...

If you think the title of this post seems vain, whiny, and a true example of a Christian with the spiritual depth of a puddle... well then I am glad we are getting to know one another.

 1) Getting out of bed in the morning. There just has to be a way around this one. I hate this time of day so much I have difficulty describing it. lets go with "hate it with the fire of a thousands suns" The fact that I am married to a early bird only rubs salt in my wounds! I think sleep deprivation definitely counts as "wounds". Also even if I get a solid 8 hours sleep, the first thing I think of when I wake up is "Man I could use some more sleep"

2) Proverbs 31. Yes I said it. Boom. Double Hate.  I fall so far short of this scripture it is just funny. The woman in the scripture was hardworking, and well dressed, and put together. I am all like "kids if you will just leave me alone for a solid hour then I will give you an entire bag of chocolate chips and let you run around  naked." I ooze class. Also people love to say that because modern moms have conveniences they should be able to keep up with the mom in proverbs. I protest! A crock pot is not a maid. Don't agree with me?  You are more than welcome to come over and CLEAN my crock pot. Mad props to all of the moms who are able to do every thing  in this scripture. I like to file this scripture under " I really really really stink at this but Jesus loves me anyway"

3)My Tupperware cabinet. It is so out of control,if I don't get it together soon, I think my husband is going to have me committed for hoarding. Why can't I just throw half of them away? I use maybe 3 out of the 30 containers I have.

4) Exercise DVDs. I have tried . I really have. Stop laughing . We have at our house right now, T-tapp, ZUMBA, p90x, and last and most definitely least INSANITY. Hate them all. Anybody want to buy these? Anybody?

5) Vacuuming. My vacuum and I have a hate/hate relationship. He knows I have been sneaking around looking at Dysons online. I know he is a total slacker who doesn't do his job properly, and spits out clumps of my hair just to spite me.  
 6) right now in my house :

Jonathan is wailing his special war cry of "IF YOU DONT GET ME OUT OF THIS CRIB I  AM GOING TO DIEEEEEEE" or something like that. Ethan is simultaneously climbing up my body ala spider man, and demanding that I feed him "feeral" (cereal), even though I have already explained 11 billion times that WE ARE OUT OF CEREAL ALREADY YOU LITTLE TYRANT!! Now he is poking my cheek . Juuuuust in case I haven't noticed that he is climbing on my head. So Seeya . The savagges need tending.