Everyone has advice for mothers.

Can we stop it please? Really I have been getting advice about parenting for four years now. It is exhausting and annoying. I can hardly take it anymore. The iPhone mom drama pushed me over the edge. I was so enraged by that little piece of advice, that I baked a triple batch of chocolate cookies to decompress. I have received many pieces of advice and almost all of it contradictory and unhelpful.  Between the medical community taking away almost all culinary pleasures (of pregnant women), and well meaning bystanders, I sometimes feel as if my head is going to explode. "No sugar! No coffee! No gluten! No fruit! No fish! No TV!  No Video games (it makes them blind)! Keep them in a car seat until they can file a restraining order against you! Elimination communication! Leave them in a diaper until they are ready! Cloth diapers! Disposable diapers!"

It’s just. SO MUCH. I truly don't believe I am the only one who gets overwhelmed by all the advice.  Everyone seems to think they have the right to tell me how to raise my kids. Really. EVERYONE. I once got a lecture on food choices (while I was ordering) from a Papa John’s employee. I was lectured again (while in Starbucks) about the evils of drinking coffee while pregnant (I was drinking hot chocolate) what is a mama to do?  So here we go:

Advice - response

"Your car seat set up is all wrong" -- O YEA?? JUST LIKE YOUR FACE!!! (No? Too harsh?)(Why yes maturity has always been my strong point.)

"If let your kids watch TV it will stunt their development"- How about I stunt YOUR development???? (Say it while you ball your fist, and have that crazed woman on the edge look in your eye)

"Breastfeeding grosses me out" - Well, we all have to put up with things that annoy us. (More effective if you say this one with a pointed look at the offender)

"You already have 3 kids and you want more?!?!?!"-As a matter of fact, I feel like making another right now. (pinch your husband’s heiny as you walk away, they will never comment again)

"You are huge! Are you sure you don't have twins in there?"- Yes, very sure, but thank you for the confidence boost. Or - You’re just jealous of how sexy I make this belly look.

"But you are too YOUNG to have kids!"- Yea we really should have waited until we were much much much much older, like you. 

“Mommy why your butt big?" - OK fine my 4 year old said that, but if I would have had my wits about me I would have responded "because daddy likes it that way". Kidding.  Sort of.

Disclaimer I have never actually said any of these things... because I am a chicken. Also because I know that most people don't mean any harm when they say clueless things. I say dumb things sometimes too (ask the hubs). From now on I am going to attempt to kick the mom guilt out of my life, and just do the best I can and trust God with the rest. If it means that I don't measure up, so be it. I am grateful that God is a much better parent than I will ever be. 

Among this sea of clueless comments I have had a few really cool experiences, both from total strangers.

Once I was having furniture delivered, and I was making small talk with the delivery guy. He looked at my two boys, and then took in my hugely pregnant belly and said "Wow now THAT'S a happy marriage" Ha! 

 Another time the whole family was shopping at ALDI (Oh you shop at Whole Foods? I shopped there once ...and then we went bankrupt. ) and a stranger behind us in the checkout line, stopped to take the time and say "Wow now those are some well behaved little ones". She then proceeded to say what an important and good job we were doing. That little bit of encouragement meant the world to me. So thank you strangers, thank you for not giving me advice and for meeting me where I was. You may never know it but your words helped me greatly.

I have gotten some really great advice as well “parenthood will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but it will be the most worth it". That statement has become my motto. It's WORTH it, to struggle, and to discipline, and to put up with clueless comments, and abuse from your kids, and with stretch marks, and sleepless nights, and groggy days. Those little guys of mine they are just so worth it.