Weekly Quotes!

While I am changing Jonathan's atomic diaper, Ethan asked "Choo choos poop?" " No sweety only people and animals poop" " cars?" " No cars don't poop either." "Jonshan poop?" " Yes Jonathan poops"

"Jonathan  no biting toes!"

After coming out of my 5 minute shower I found Gabe outside my door...." Mommy I broke your curtinns"  (he was right. The rod was half hanging off the window and my curtains were in a twisted heap) " Why Gabe! Why would you do that? " " Becuth I sawl a fly. It went buzz."

" OK Ethan now its your turn to squish me" - I have no explanation for this.

....................
Been about 3 hours since
I started this post. I am the kind of exhausted that can only be described as "mommyfried". Bye y'all. Here is  hoping y'all heard some good quotes from the the littles (or bigs) this week. Sound off in the comments with your fav kid quotes! Btw I feel like a lame blogger posting with no photos, but my phone's picture taking ability has been strangely compromised...I am just going to go ahead and blame the kids. Lets go with Ethan I am sure it was him. Have a good weekend may your curtains stay hung and your sanity stay in tact.

Briana's Rules for life...

 1. Just because it is summer does not mean that shorts the size of socks are acceptable. Clothes. They are your friend. Men, lets try and remember that wearing shirts in summer? Always a classy move. It is good for your skin, and better for everyone else's eyes.

2. It is never acceptable for the husband to sleep diagonally across the bed. That is called being a hog. If the wife is sleeping diagonally, or in the middle of the bed then it is called "snuggling".  Hey these are MY rules.

3. Husbands who fill up the van with gas, after you repeatedly bring it home almost empty. They shall have eternal gratitude.

4. Dogs who repeated steal and slobber on the kids stuffed toys, are dogs WHO GET NO COOKIES!!!!!

5. Cats who stalk and bite the dog for no apparent reason are cats who get THROWN OUT OF THE HOUSE!! (for the day)

6. Boys who don't eat their dinner? I call them "hungry boys".  "But I don't waaaaaant to eat my dinner!!!! I NOT HUNGWEEEEEE! IT'S NOT SAIR"

7. Any person on two legs or four who touches my knitting basket, with be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

8. Any time is a good time for Duck Dynasty. Duck Dynasty is the best show ever made. This is my solemn vow.

9. Jonathan Luke Hatcher is a pumpkin pie/sugar bean/ sweetest baby in the entire universe.

10. Despite Jonathan's supreme status, it is never OK to spit up down mommy's shirt, or scratch your hands in poop. Same rule for poopy feet. Just say no, Jonathan.

Photo credit the beautiful and talented Michelle Baylson

Take care y'all.

In which I am ruining my kids...

O y'all.... Yesterday. I am still recovering. The day started with an innocent phone call from Nani and Papa. Really and truly? They were luring me too the mall with promises of lunch and family time. Even then I felt a little twist in my stomach. As a general rule I avoid the mall like the plague if  the hubbinator isn't there for back up. I knew it was going to happen... My niece was so excited about going to the mall playground. O playground. How I hate you let me count the ways...

Our mall playground is small, enclosed, and populated by helicopters and clueless parents who don't give a flip if their kid is mean. I fall firmly into the helicopter camp. Ethan once punched a girl in the face at this very playground. Not kidding. Now come on he was two and she was 5 and she did hit him first. Anyway we lasted all of ten minutes before this meanie started picking picking on my kids. Now I know that you think Nani is a sweet little grandma who wouldn't hurt a fly. Well you would be very mistaken. 

I never once imagined that I would have to hold my own mother back, but y'all  I DID. The meanie starting pushing my kid and I saw Nani's whole body fly forward in his direction. My arm flew across her chest at record speed and  fiercely whispered "MOM WE WILL JUST LEAVE!!!!!!"  And we did y'all. I packed up all three wailing kids and headed out of that circle of hell playground with a quickness. My reasoning for heading for the hills: 1) I know my kids and they will only be pushed so far before someone gets decked in the face. 2) There are two of my kids and one of the bully. He was fixing to be set down a peg or two. 3) y'all his mama was giving me some dirrrrty looks and she was about 3 of me.  What if BullyMom wanted a piece of me? I am just not going to take that fight. What if she sat on me?  What if she got in my face Jerry Springer style? I am admitting here and now that y'all she scared the heck out of me.  O yeah and just in case you were giving BullyMom the benefit of the doubt she saw her kid was being mean and just didn't care. I have a problem with that.  So I think the solution to this problem is just to have lots more kids. Next time a bully happens maybe he will think twice before he messes with all 6 of the Hatcher boys. That is the solution to the worlds problems right there. Parents who make their kids behave? Go ahead have lots of kids and eventually  WE WILL OUTNUMBER THEM. Sigh.... too much playground drama for this tired mama. 

"  you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?" -Dirty Harry or what Nani wanted to say to the bully

See the thing is.....

I have nothing interesting to write. Like at all. Anybody want to hear how my house is a mess and I am still exhausted even though the baby is sleeping like a champ? How about my very interesting laundry situation I like to call "throw it all in a pile on the treadmill and pretend it doesn't exist".   Very well I shall continue with more boring updates of mediocre mothering! We adopted a very sweet dog. His name is "Jack" or "dack" if you ask Ethan. I grew up with mutt dogs,and never really understood people who were loyal to one specific breed. Now? I am a border collie fan FOR LIFE! Good grief y'all this is one AWESOME dog. I am not even playing. He is so cool you just won't believe it. Its like he knows what your talking about. It is like finally having another adult in the house! I can tell him which toy to go get and he will get the exact toy  every time. Now, I realize that may not sound like much to you, but you have to understand that I grew up with one of the dumbest dogs in the universe. And I really do mean that in the meanest way possible. DUMB. Brandy for no particular reason at all decided that all hats were evil and anybody who wore hats,was equally suspicious. Brandy was the dog who decided that my very sweet grandmother was a terrorist in disguise, and anybody who looked like my grandma must also receive the treatment reserved only for the worst of criminals. I miss that dumb dog...sometimes. Don't tell anybody. The cat was  slightly less enthused about Jack than we were. However she  is coming along nicely and hasn't thrown any tantrums in a while. Did I mention that we also have a cat? I am almost the only one in my family to have a cat. My family are dog people (If you are going to have a dog they think schnauzers are best). Also I think my father may have questioned my moral fiber when I told him we were adopting a cat. Then again I try not to listen to him much ( he was brandy's favorite human you know, and  I think that's a little suspicious.) SO anyway Jack is awesome and we are so grateful that we have him (we re homed from my lovely cousin's family).

Aint they sweet?

So things continue at a breakneck pace here in the Savage household. The Hubbinator is still in school and working very hard for stuff like food,electricity and pleasing his Marie Antoinette of a wife.He enjoys terrorizing me on weekends with home improvement projects. Hubbinator also got promoted a while back and we are so stinking proud of him. Whenever he has a bad day I say really encouraging things like " Well that stinks but at least nobody pooped on you today" "O whats that you say? Had a bad day? Well did you get chocolate milk vomit down your shirt?  " At least nobody stole your bracelet, ripped it apart, and shot the beads out of their nose rocket- style." Because I am a good encouraging wife like that.  Well this post is going to have to be a quick on account of all three kids are sleeping AT THE SAME TIME and I have knitting very important housework to attend to. Ahem. Take care y'all and just so you know comments are my love language.

Just a Few Things That Ruin My Life...

If you think the title of this post seems vain, whiny, and a true example of a Christian with the spiritual depth of a puddle... well then I am glad we are getting to know one another.

 1) Getting out of bed in the morning. There just has to be a way around this one. I hate this time of day so much I have difficulty describing it. lets go with "hate it with the fire of a thousands suns" The fact that I am married to a early bird only rubs salt in my wounds! I think sleep deprivation definitely counts as "wounds". Also even if I get a solid 8 hours sleep, the first thing I think of when I wake up is "Man I could use some more sleep"

2) Proverbs 31. Yes I said it. Boom. Double Hate.  I fall so far short of this scripture it is just funny. The woman in the scripture was hardworking, and well dressed, and put together. I am all like "kids if you will just leave me alone for a solid hour then I will give you an entire bag of chocolate chips and let you run around  naked." I ooze class. Also people love to say that because modern moms have conveniences they should be able to keep up with the mom in proverbs. I protest! A crock pot is not a maid. Don't agree with me?  You are more than welcome to come over and CLEAN my crock pot. Mad props to all of the moms who are able to do every thing  in this scripture. I like to file this scripture under " I really really really stink at this but Jesus loves me anyway"

3)My Tupperware cabinet. It is so out of control,if I don't get it together soon, I think my husband is going to have me committed for hoarding. Why can't I just throw half of them away? I use maybe 3 out of the 30 containers I have.

4) Exercise DVDs. I have tried . I really have. Stop laughing . We have at our house right now, T-tapp, ZUMBA, p90x, and last and most definitely least INSANITY. Hate them all. Anybody want to buy these? Anybody?

5) Vacuuming. My vacuum and I have a hate/hate relationship. He knows I have been sneaking around looking at Dysons online. I know he is a total slacker who doesn't do his job properly, and spits out clumps of my hair just to spite me.  
 6) right now in my house :

Jonathan is wailing his special war cry of "IF YOU DONT GET ME OUT OF THIS CRIB I  AM GOING TO DIEEEEEEE" or something like that. Ethan is simultaneously climbing up my body ala spider man, and demanding that I feed him "feeral" (cereal), even though I have already explained 11 billion times that WE ARE OUT OF CEREAL ALREADY YOU LITTLE TYRANT!! Now he is poking my cheek . Juuuuust in case I haven't noticed that he is climbing on my head. So Seeya . The savagges need tending.

On the care and keeping of boys...

" It takes a great deal to feed a growing boy"- Ma Wilder from Farmer Boy

I feel like I live this quote. My boys eat SO MUCH FOOD. I have at times found myself pondering if it would be cheaper to move to the country and buy a dairy cow, and plant a few acres of wheat. Once while I was checking out at COSTCO a bystander looked at my cart saw, 4 gallons of milk, 2 -20 lb bags of sugar, 1 -20 lb bag of flour,and asked "So you run a restaurant right?" Sometimes it feels like it. So why did you need to know about my mediocre homemaking attempts? I just felt you should. I knew you would care, deep down.

Now I would like to tackle a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Of course by "near and dear" I mean has caused me ridiculous amounts of frustration : baby gear!  I have owned 4 baby carriers, I have two strollers, two cribs, two changing tables, and almost all of these items I bought because I needed them. They were going to make this mothering gig so much easier! They were what a modern mama needed to handle so many little guys so close together. I now realize two important things 1) frugality can be your worst enemy, 2) even if you spend big bucks, baby gear can still fail you in epic embarrassing ways.

When I was expecting Gabe (oldest) I registered for and received the most affordable  gender neutral travel system that I could find. It worked fine I suppose, except that it weighed about eleventy billion lbs. When I realized that Ethan was on his way a mere two months later, I sold the set on craigslist and used that money toward a Graco double stroller. It was heaven for a while...
I was just so much better than those CRAZY parents who fork out 500-1000 dollars for a double or triple stroller. Pffft. Money wasters. Just watch how I rock out this mom thing with my frugal super powers. I railed against their excesses and materialism (in my head. safely). Y'all I have learned my lesson. I repent here and now publicly. Yesterday, the savages were acting extra nutty so I decided to take them all on a walk. Wait Briana! You don't have a triple stroller remember? You said you didn't need one?  That's right I put the baby in the ERGO carrier and the older boys in the double and headed out into hell my subdivision. We started down the drive and the stroller starts careening randomly to the right, at the same time my ERGO starts coming loose. This sent the baby bumping  back and forth across my chest. Of course he appreciated this SO much and started wailing that special wail he saves only for special occasions. We looked,I imagine, something like a circus wagon, driven by a cranky drunk clown. We only made it one street. So this is a very long way of asking does anybody have a triple stroller I can borrow? Or any recommendations for an affordable one? If I sell all of my useless stuff on Craigslist I am pretty sure I can come up with the cash . Anybody want to buy my useless stuff?  No? I think you could totally pull off  the cranky drunk clown look.

Greeting from the land of teething and potty training and all manner of glamorous tasks! The baby and I are in teething hell. He is cutting  at least 4 teeth, and is again getting up early to nurse, and my  sanity is on the brink. THE BRINK I TELL YOU!!!!!!  Whatever I know your just here to look at how cute my kids are.

Ha! I am shameless! They are cute aren't they? Anyway this week was very, full. I continued with my "French Women Don't Get Fat" obsession. I nearly gave Nani a heart attack when I parked in the outer rim of the parking lot and announced "French women walk!". I have been noshing on dark delicious chocolate and  taking short strolls with the boys. I was floored when I stepped on the scale and had lost 5 lbs. WHAAAA??  VIVA LA FRANCE!!! I am in love with this book.  

I shopped at Publix for the first time this week. Y'all I had NO idea that Publix was so awesome. I feel like Publix deserves it's own paragraph. They treated me and my kids like royalty. They put my groceries on the belt themselves. They walked me to my car and loaded up my stuff for free! Big shout out to the awesome 3 kid  buggies. They boys were in heaven and quickly pronounced them "Awthum". I feel like I need to publicly end things with  WALMART and Food Lion. BUH BYE y'all. Also WALMART if you want to keep customers  you might try keeping the store stocked...with food. Just a tip.

I have been cleaning and decorating like a mad woman, because y'all French women have clean, decorated houses. I am cheating my way through the decorating part because that gene seems to have skipped me. Anyway I have committed to better housekeeping in general, for many reasons, mostly selfish ones like weight loss. The family is enjoying my efforts.

Gabe was having a really grumpy morning, and after a few too many suspicious minutes of silence I found him like this.

Just as long as your comfortable, Nala, that is the important thing.

Poor kid just needed a nap. I promptly deposited him bed. He was insisting(LOUDLY) that ( BLUBBER SOB WHIMPER BEG) "I DONT WANNNNA GO TA BED"  4 year olds are not so very big after all. Speaking of tantrums, I have given birth to a drama king. It all started with  these.

I was time to cut the boys fingernails and toenails. I was not prepared for the epicness of Gabe's dislike. He wailed, he sobbed, he drooled, and snotted, he bargained, and begged. He was a giant baby. I could only laugh, and do my best to continue on with the cutting. After witnessing this blubbering display, Ethan approached his cutting time with a whimper and a look of concern. He sat on my lap and reluctantly let me hold his hand to cut his nails. I made the first cut. He looked up at me in surprise, laughed and said " Ha Gabey silly."  

 I have no idea where he gets it from.