On the care and keeping of boys...

" It takes a great deal to feed a growing boy"- Ma Wilder from Farmer Boy

I feel like I live this quote. My boys eat SO MUCH FOOD. I have at times found myself pondering if it would be cheaper to move to the country and buy a dairy cow, and plant a few acres of wheat. Once while I was checking out at COSTCO a bystander looked at my cart saw, 4 gallons of milk, 2 -20 lb bags of sugar, 1 -20 lb bag of flour,and asked "So you run a restaurant right?" Sometimes it feels like it. So why did you need to know about my mediocre homemaking attempts? I just felt you should. I knew you would care, deep down.

Now I would like to tackle a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Of course by "near and dear" I mean has caused me ridiculous amounts of frustration : baby gear!  I have owned 4 baby carriers, I have two strollers, two cribs, two changing tables, and almost all of these items I bought because I needed them. They were going to make this mothering gig so much easier! They were what a modern mama needed to handle so many little guys so close together. I now realize two important things 1) frugality can be your worst enemy, 2) even if you spend big bucks, baby gear can still fail you in epic embarrassing ways.

When I was expecting Gabe (oldest) I registered for and received the most affordable  gender neutral travel system that I could find. It worked fine I suppose, except that it weighed about eleventy billion lbs. When I realized that Ethan was on his way a mere two months later, I sold the set on craigslist and used that money toward a Graco double stroller. It was heaven for a while...
I was just so much better than those CRAZY parents who fork out 500-1000 dollars for a double or triple stroller. Pffft. Money wasters. Just watch how I rock out this mom thing with my frugal super powers. I railed against their excesses and materialism (in my head. safely). Y'all I have learned my lesson. I repent here and now publicly. Yesterday, the savages were acting extra nutty so I decided to take them all on a walk. Wait Briana! You don't have a triple stroller remember? You said you didn't need one?  That's right I put the baby in the ERGO carrier and the older boys in the double and headed out into hell my subdivision. We started down the drive and the stroller starts careening randomly to the right, at the same time my ERGO starts coming loose. This sent the baby bumping  back and forth across my chest. Of course he appreciated this SO much and started wailing that special wail he saves only for special occasions. We looked,I imagine, something like a circus wagon, driven by a cranky drunk clown. We only made it one street. So this is a very long way of asking does anybody have a triple stroller I can borrow? Or any recommendations for an affordable one? If I sell all of my useless stuff on Craigslist I am pretty sure I can come up with the cash . Anybody want to buy my useless stuff?  No? I think you could totally pull off  the cranky drunk clown look.

Greeting from the land of teething and potty training and all manner of glamorous tasks! The baby and I are in teething hell. He is cutting  at least 4 teeth, and is again getting up early to nurse, and my  sanity is on the brink. THE BRINK I TELL YOU!!!!!!  Whatever I know your just here to look at how cute my kids are.

Ha! I am shameless! They are cute aren't they? Anyway this week was very, full. I continued with my "French Women Don't Get Fat" obsession. I nearly gave Nani a heart attack when I parked in the outer rim of the parking lot and announced "French women walk!". I have been noshing on dark delicious chocolate and  taking short strolls with the boys. I was floored when I stepped on the scale and had lost 5 lbs. WHAAAA??  VIVA LA FRANCE!!! I am in love with this book.  

I shopped at Publix for the first time this week. Y'all I had NO idea that Publix was so awesome. I feel like Publix deserves it's own paragraph. They treated me and my kids like royalty. They put my groceries on the belt themselves. They walked me to my car and loaded up my stuff for free! Big shout out to the awesome 3 kid  buggies. They boys were in heaven and quickly pronounced them "Awthum". I feel like I need to publicly end things with  WALMART and Food Lion. BUH BYE y'all. Also WALMART if you want to keep customers  you might try keeping the store stocked...with food. Just a tip.

I have been cleaning and decorating like a mad woman, because y'all French women have clean, decorated houses. I am cheating my way through the decorating part because that gene seems to have skipped me. Anyway I have committed to better housekeeping in general, for many reasons, mostly selfish ones like weight loss. The family is enjoying my efforts.

Gabe was having a really grumpy morning, and after a few too many suspicious minutes of silence I found him like this.

Just as long as your comfortable, Nala, that is the important thing.

Poor kid just needed a nap. I promptly deposited him bed. He was insisting(LOUDLY) that ( BLUBBER SOB WHIMPER BEG) "I DONT WANNNNA GO TA BED"  4 year olds are not so very big after all. Speaking of tantrums, I have given birth to a drama king. It all started with  these.

I was time to cut the boys fingernails and toenails. I was not prepared for the epicness of Gabe's dislike. He wailed, he sobbed, he drooled, and snotted, he bargained, and begged. He was a giant baby. I could only laugh, and do my best to continue on with the cutting. After witnessing this blubbering display, Ethan approached his cutting time with a whimper and a look of concern. He sat on my lap and reluctantly let me hold his hand to cut his nails. I made the first cut. He looked up at me in surprise, laughed and said " Ha Gabey silly."  

 I have no idea where he gets it from.

A Mothers Day Blessing from Me to You

May your baby's poop stay always in the diaper and never leak up the back.

May you fall asleep before your husband so you can't hear his snoring.

May you never lose a stuffed animal at bedtime.

May your laundry pile be conquerable.

May your stuck on messes come unstuck.

May your microwaves stay clean.

May your couch cushions always be washable.

May your baby vomit always on the burp cloth and never in your hair or mouth.

May you never drop the baby's paci on the restaurant floor.

May your kids never tantrum in the checkout line.

May your kids never EVER get carsick on every vacation.

May your food never be pronounced "YUCKY A'SGUSTIN "

May you have a blessed Mothers Day.

In Which I am Humiliated at Academy Sports...

Would y'all like to hear about my tale of humiliation? Good everyone loves a laugh. I am three kids in to this parenting gig, and really I should have known better. I decided to take  the three savages (plus Nani for backup) to Trader Joe's to see what all the hype is about.  I commenced with the rigmarole that is getting 3 kids out of car seats, and finally made my way to the baby's seat,when IT hit me. THE WALL OF STENCH. Yup. Jonathan had had an EPIC blowout, of course he had soaked through his outfit, and onto the car seat. So I commenced to rummaging about looking for my spare outfit, which was wait for it... AT HOME. So I plunked a spare pair of size 3T shorts on him and accepted the fact that I was going to have to take him in to a store like this...

Apparently the clientele of Academy Sports does not appreciate this look.

So there we were in Academy Sports  looking for a t shirt in his size and getting many shakes of heads, and looks of disbelief  from passersby. Poor Nani was announcing to all of the head shakers that "He just had a poopy accident!"Sigh. Some people learn the hard way I guess. So I paid 10 stinking dollars, for a shirt so my baby could look like this ....

and we hurried our butts to Trader Joe's. I will say that I was impressed with the prices and customer service  at Trader Joe's. I will be back, just sans my rambunctious, loud, offspring.  However I think it will be a little while before I can show my face at Academy Sports anytime soon.

On to big important show stoppping news! Just kidding. I had a birthday this weekend. Whoo hoo.  I got totally spoiled. I went to the range  with my hubby (blessedly alone) and fired my Glock 26 for the first time. It was so much fun. Lest you think that I am all tough butt kicking mommy, I will admit two things. First this is what I look like at the range...

This is what I feel like inside...

 It literally takes me a minute or two to compose myself between trigger pulls. Still I am getting better, so I will call that a win. Then my whole family got together for steak at Arizona's and then ice cream at my house.  I got so many awesome presents, but no pictures because, have I mentioned that I am lazy? 
Also  when Gabe is told that he is anything (funny, handsome, wonderful) his standard reply is now " Yes, I AM Handsome!!!" Just for the record that I think he gets his humility from his father.  In other news, Jonathan is crawling and I am trying not to take it to heart. I really hoped that this baby would decide to not grow up quite so fast. Bah Humbug.

7 Quick Takes.

1.Yesterday at Target I bought the two oldest savages these.

Highly recommend! Jen told me to buy these (OK fine she doesn't actually know I exist .Whatever she posted about them.) I did. I love them. So do the boys. 

 2.I am knitting again! Why did I ever stop???? A much overdue blanket for Jonathan is in the works and rapidly progressing. My boys think my knitting is awesome. They say stuff like "That's my blanket. Mommy made it FOR ME!" So stinking cute, I love how they are not old enough to know what a dork I am yet.

(Innocence feigned)

3.Someone please invent this:

www.affordablefashionforshortoverweightmomswhostillwanttobestylish.com".  Well at least I think that there is a market for it.

Can skinny jeans GO AWAY PLEASE?!?!?!? Dumb denim torture chambers that I don't fit into. I fall for it every time I am in the store. " O look how cute! Skinny jeans! All my favorite mom fashion bloggers say they are slimming and fashion forward! Let me try them on!  O my heck why can't I get these stupid flipping things over my calves?!?!?!?!?!"  Epic. Fail.

                                       

4.I found these pebbles at the dollar tree and fell in love. Perhaps I have raccoon tendencies? Anyway they match my bathroom and until I figure out how best to display their pebbly prettiness they reside in this little basket. Maybe I can spray paint the basket? Is your house full of stuff you intend to spray paint? No? Mine neither. Decorator I am not, but whatever, I like them they are staying.  Also listen up boys, If you so much as remove a single pebble. I WILL END YOU. Seriously. Don't mess with Mama's pretties, thems the rules kiddos.

             5.                                                      (Jonathan had a little too much to drink)

                      6.(Cutest. Kid. EVER.)    

7. I am rereading "French Women Don't Get Fat",because, you know, pregnant, PuertoRicans, do get fat.

I loved it before I was expecting Jonathan, and I love it now. Hopefully I can fit into skinny jeans soon? See ya later I have to go bathe the kids before the TV rots their brains. Wait a minute, maybe the TV has ALREADY rotted their brains?!?! That sure would explain a lot.